BOOK REVIEW: Finding the Doorbell - Better Sex for the People!
Finding the Doorbell: Better Sex for the People!
By day, New Hampshire’s Cindy Pierce is a mild-mannered former ski coach-turned-innkeeper and mother of three. By night, she is emerging as New England’s premier sex-counselor/comedienne, thanks to the success of her one-woman stand-up play “Finding the Doorbell.” Pierce has brought her act to Burlington, Vermont on two occasions over the past few years, to big crowds and rave reviews. Now, she has distilled her sex-focused humor and wisdom into a brand new book published by Nomad Press called Finding the Doorbell: Sexual Satisfaction for the Long Haul.
The “doorbell” in question refers to the least-uttered and perhaps most important part of the female body – the clitoris. (And, since that word makes many people uncomfortable - clitoris that is, not doorbell - I’ll simply reference the big O of orgasm instead). But this is a big part of Cindy’s message in the book. Americans - especially middle-aged Americans with husbands and wives and kids and mortgages and a few extra pounds and a few more wrinkles – are often uncomfortable talking about sex; both publicly, in the company of others, and privately, in the intimate spaces of the marriage chamber.
For those uncomfortable talking about the most basic and primal of human acts (sex, remember?), this book is good medicine. As co-author Edie Thys Morgan explains at book’s beginning, Cindy’s underlying mission has always been about “better sex for the people.” “Not wilder or kinkier sex,” Morgan explains (not that there’s anything wrong with this, mind you), “but the kind of mutually fulfilling sex that brings couples the sense of connection we all crave.”
Indeed. It is all about connection. And if you are one of those of us pseudo-middle-aged married types, you no doubt have discovered that finding “connection” in the midst of our busy lives is quite a challenge. The good news here is that Pierce and Morgan serve up a whole bedroom’s full of wisdom, by turns insightful and hilarious, for understanding the challenges and improving the nature of our sex lives.
Section I of the book explores “obstacles to a healthy sex life,” considering everything from the differences between the male and female “tribes” when it comes to sex and talking about sex, through body image, contraception, and the big O itself (orgasm – shhh.) Not surprisingly, as our authors point out, men and women contextualize sex differently in the midst of middle age, and, especially for men, boning up on these differences might alter one’s sexual relationship with your partner significantly and for the better.
The book’s second section tells you most everything you need to know about the Big O, from the bio-mechanics of the act itself, to self-stimulation (healthier and more prevalent than most are willing to admit) to some good advice for both men and women for getting the most pleasure out of your experience. Some of her terms are a bit technical, and, to be honest, more diagrams in a second edition of the book might come in handy – but by and large, our authors provide us with good wisdom here.
The most useful section of the book can be found in the final section – “sex for the long haul” – in which our authors discuss “the little things that can get you laid” (take notes, everyone!), the healthiness of distraction and fantasy, the quest for the “weekly standard,” and the most useful section from a gendered viewpoint – “drive differential.” They even take us on a little tour of a porn shop for a discussion of sex toys, if that’s your thing.
And throughout the book, one can enjoy Cindy’s trademark zinger-like wit and honest storytelling – she has a wonderful knack for combining self-deprecating humor with an eye for the descriptive and the personal – and we are all the better for it. The book’s other nifty feature is the dozens of snippets of interviews conducted with middle-aged men and women sprinkled throughout each chapter. “Sex is like yoga. It changes your whole frame of mind every time you do it,” explained one woman. “It’s good for your body, mind, and soul. If we all did yoga a few times a week, life would be better. Why don’t we make sex a priority?”
Amen.
Better sex for the people!
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